Lost In The Attic: That's Just What Day It Is

I was so very sad on Monday. The depth of it surprised me. Last year, when I looked into my future and saw this day coming, I saw freedom, excitement, new adventures. I looked into my crystal ball and saw a clean house, more income and, of course, cuter shoes. I saw years worth of "to do" projects being marked off my list. But, instead, Monday came far too quickly. I walked down the noisy, colorful hallway full of children dressed in new outfits. I entered a cheerful room where a few children were sitting at tables coloring giant letter A's with red and blue crayons, and tried to smile pleasantly at the woman who would be taking over my job. I didn't quite succeed at the smile. I kissed my tow-headed girlie, told her she was going to have so much fun and that I would see her in just a few hours. Without even looking at me she said, "I know, Mama", picked up her own crayon and started to work. I held up my head and bravely left the room. My breath was coming in short, shallow gasps and I can only hope my tears didn't scare the little kids still headed toward the classroom. I didn't have a little hand to hold when I left the school building that day. No one needed my help crossing the street or buckling their seatbelt. No one asked me if we could have ice cream for breakfast.

I cried in the car.

My best friend dropped everything and met me at McDonald's for coffee. I told him how embarrassed I was at my public emotional display at the school.

Then, I cried in the booth at McDonald's.

I told him I hadn't cried at all when I took the other kids to their first days of school and that I couldn't believe I was turning into a complete basket case over leaving my last baby at Kindergarten. Then he held my hand and said to me, "She is your last baby and today you left her at school for the first time. That's just what day it is today. It's ok to be sad." He made me feel better. That's one of the reasons I married him.

I went to the store to do my regular weekly grocery shopping and as I walked in I heard a little girl ask her mommy if she could ride the 50 cent pony.

And I cried.

I cried when I walked down the aisle with the cotton balls and saw a mother getting frustrated with her son for pulling all the qtips off the shelf.

I cried when I passed a woman helping her elderly grandmother reach the canned soup. I cried when I saw a little girl run past the end of the coffee aisle. And I cried at the checkout counter when the cashier asked me how I was doing today.

That's just what day it was on Monday.

Today is Thursday. That's just what day it is today.